Why did my life turn out the way it did?
Some people are using the self-isolation of the pandemic to dig through both their stuff and their memories. The results are cleaner cupboards and not a few memoirs. Readers of The Well-Lived Life tell me these strange times have motivated them to tackle some aspect of family history or write their own story. Exploring our past to look for patterns can be enlightening and thought-provoking. After reading my book, Con Hurley from county Cork, Ireland wrote to me about his memoir writing. He used the process to explore the question: “Why did my life turn out the way it did?” He published the results in A Life Examined: My story, and how I learned to make more effective decisions about life and money.
In his memoir, Con describes how he overcame economic ruin and depression to become the “leader of [his] own life.” His writing is honest and self-reflective. Con is critical of himself for bringing on the financial disaster that followed his “romantic notions about living on a large hill farm in West Cork.” He pulled through by recognizing the primary importance of his partnership with his beloved wife. He realized he needed to nurture the foundational relationships he had with her and his children, and now his grandchildren. I particularly enjoyed the details of his childhood, which brought the Ireland and England of the 1950’s alive. His mother was indomitable.
By clarifying his values, Con’s book provides an “ethical will” as a legacy for his family. Unlike a legal will, an ethical will is not concerned with distributing our material assets. Its purpose is to pass values from one generation to the next by sharing life stories, lessons learned, dreams for the future, and expressions of love, forgiveness and hope. In my book, I quote Sydney who introduced me to the concept. “The philosophy behind ethical wills is sharing what your life has meant to you and how you want the next generation to live,” he says. “You’re telling your family what you want them to take forward from your life, into their lives.”
The poet Mary Oliver asks, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” As we write our memoirs, we’re asking ourselves what we’ve done with our one wild and precious life, and what we’ve learned in the process.